I worked very hard to get to where I wanted to go. I was very focused on my career. I worked for the UN for a few years. That was my dream and when I got there, I was like, "ok now what?"
I was also wondering if I was living in the right place. I wasn't happy in Switzerland. It's a very patriarchal country that has a lot of norms. And then I met my husband and we moved to Sweden. In Sweden, I felt accepted for the first time. I felt I could be creative at my work and be myself. Not hide behind makeup and a lot of masks. And it felt weird because I didn't know who I was or who I wanted to be.
I wasn't feeling happy very globally in my life. I started wondering if my job makes me happy, if it's what I want to do. But I didn't know how to go deeper inside of me, find out what is me, what I lost, what I had abandoned.
I would describe the Unravel journey as a journey. I think that word is the right one. We really go through a lot of different landscapes, a lot of different feelings and states. It feels like these three months were a few years, because we rewrote and went into things that I thought would take me years to unlock and explore.
I feel like I left the Unravel journey with myself. I really felt I had lost myself at some point in my life. I mimicked people so much, I wanted to be integrated so much in society that I did lose myself somehow. Not the values. But my interests. What I loved doing. Everything was kind of gone and it's like waking up and being like, "wow this is me!" I can look at myself in the mirror, and see myself and feel "oh, today I want to read that book because I'm interested in that. Today I want to sew without an aim, just because I think sewing is cool. Today I want to paint and just put yellow on that canvas and see what happens".
I didn't enjoy doing things anymore. Life was gray, so I left the journey with colors again. They're back and I feel happy. I had a hard time feeling happy and now I feel happy. It's really amazing. I didn't expect this journey would be so big.
I always loved drawing and painting when I was young, so I went to an academy. But they told me that everything I did was wrong, and I ended up hating drawing because I felt everything I was creating was wrong. I totally stopped doing anything artistic at all, because I felt like I was not good enough. I lost the joy in it. During the Unraveling, I felt like I didn't want to express things in words. I wanted to visualize them. I wanted colors and have things moving.
I showed my art to the Cocoon, and everyone was so supportive. They said they felt things. I realized that's what I loved with art: provoking emotions. It's very powerful to reclaim those words and say outloud, "I'm an artist. This is my art!"
I had the concept already that at the end, life is a video game. We play it. We enjoy it. Sometimes we fail and we try again. We go a different path and things evolve and end up being different. But I had a hard time applying it and enjoying it. Now I have those tools to be able to enjoy it. I have those tools to talk to myself, to be kind to myself, and not fall for my inner critic.
I know how to work on myself. I saved a few meditations that really help me put myself where I belong. I can enjoy the world with different eyes. I can see things around me differently. I can take the time to wash my dishes and enjoy talking to my plants. I'm enjoying my life far much more and I think that's the aim at the end. Life is short. It should be enjoyed. It should bring joy and things.
That it was encouraged to share and communicate with other people - that was very scary for me, because I had to put masks a lot in past communities and social events. The cocoon really changed that in that I thought I was bad with people. I thought I didn't like being with people. It drags a lot of energy out of me.
In the Cocoon, it was different. Communicating with people, sharing our experiences helped me so much. When I wasn't sure where to go next, someone would come up with the exact step, the tool that I needed. The power of this community was something I wasn't expecting or ready either. Now I miss them. They're fantastic people and I hope we can continue seeing how we evolve.
I grew up so much in this course. Saying this I have goosebumps because I wasn't expecting this to be so life-changing, game-changing. Even the moments that were a bit tougher, that emotionally worked up stuff, I did cry. I did feel bad sometimes. But I identified those zones and then felt good about them. I can put words on them, I can work on them.
You shouldn't hesitate to enroll in this course. Just go for it.
Link to Jennifer's podcast (swedish)